At this moment I'm falling asleep on a futon on the floor of my living room, surrounded by the last few items not already packed into our U-haul. My wife, way ahead of me on falling asleep, is already preparing herself for the week long journey ahead of us.


 In every other room is an endless expanse of space. What seemed cramped when filled with our lives is suddenly cavernous and full of echoes (literally, echoes).
 Tomorrow we set out for Arkansas. My first move from California without a end date. Much as I plan to visit as often as I can, the simple truth is that I'm leaving - possibly forever. I've known this day was coming for a few weeks (forever, and yet, no time at all) and dreaded it. On the one hand, I know it's the right choice, but on the other, I'm leaving so much of myself behind!
 But then tonight, packing every inch of a U-haul with odds and ends, I had a surprising revelation:

 I am ready to leave.

 Not that I won't miss everyone and everything here - I know I'll miss things more than I could possibly prepare for! - but…  I'm ready. Ready for the adventure, ready for the challenge. I'm ready to follow-through on the decision I've already made.

 Over the past few weeks Jen and I have run through a Bucket List of sorts. We went to San Francisco for a night, spent an hour hunting for parking, then toured some trendy night spots, got ice cream in the Mission at midnight. We ran the dogs on the beach, lost a frisbee in the surf, and dove into the Pacific for a swim. We went Champagne tasting in the Russian River, had one dinner at our favorite restaurant and another at our favorite upscale wine bar. We had an all-day game day with the boys. We went to the breweries, had meals and double-date nights with everyone we could catch on short notice. We found a new home for our chicken, tore apart and rebuilt our yard, weathered a gullywasher of a rainstorm, and I helped my dad put up the Christmas tree and rebuild his HAM antennas. Through it all we've been devouring California seafood!
 We said our farewells (the rushed ones we could manage at least, more satisfying ones to come!) gotten our ducks in a row, and planned our road-trip route. Then looked up coming snowstorms and completely re-wrote it.

 Slowly, through all of this, my perspective has changed. Foreboding and stress have turned into excitement and anticipation. I'm moving to Arkansas! And I might not even be eaten by an alligator!

 Joking aside - if a few short weeks, I will get to see my wife come home from her first day of work. I get to see her flushed, excited, so full of details and stories she'll barely be able to contain it! She'll tell me about her LEED Platinum building, and try to figure out which of her two offices she likes better, and what program she's most excited about working on!

 And that's why I'm going - I'll find something of course, but that's for after I get there. The dream ahead of me, on the horizon, is to see my wife so happy that she can't stop smiling for days :)